Step-parenting not for everyone!

I have been thinking so much lately about step-parenting, is it because our daughter is 22 years old and needs us less or am I thinking what is next for me in our relationship? Yes you did notice I called her "Our" daughter. I have always done thing unless someone has known me as a young child then they would look at me like where did this child come from? I would still say we refer to her as "Our" daughter.
 How do you know if you were or are a successful step parent? I don't think there is a grading scale that you can grade yourself and get 100%. I used to think if we had a great relationship with the child and bio parent and we were doing great! However, in the end it really is just the child that counts. So, if you have a working relationship that involves trust, honesty, love, and laughs with your stepchild or bonus child then I think you are doing great!

 Recently, I have seen a different side to step-parenting; my sister in law is a bio parent to my niece and I'm seeing how she reacts to the step-mom and the bio dad. Neither party has made a big deal out of my niece calling both  men dads. Both men are active in her life. Men seem to adjust easier to woman.  I think if it was on the other side they might have been problems, I mean I don't even like my daughter calling her mom's friends Mom. So, I couldn't imagine letting my bonus daughter call me mom but each story is different. Mine had a mom and I know some don't.  I think anytime the step-parents and bio parents can communicate even the simple things is a great relationship. For example during a trip you can post pictures on Facebook it's the knowing they are having a good time and are safe.  In my opinion this shouldn't be taken as I'm better than you but as your child is safe and having a great time.

Although we don't need to be in communication with our daughter's mom as much anymore when the daughter was sick the parents were able to communicate and do what was best for the daughter.  Putting aside personal differences and putting the daughter first was what was important and what they made happen.

I think so many times we are quick to judge ourselves and want that quick happiness. Since our society everything is right now. Step-parenting doesn't work this way. You or your children can be happy in the morning and mad 2 hours later.  I have learn that with step children no matter who hates you the bio parent or the child it's one day at a time. With each day take deep breaths. I received this advice from our attorney;emotions need to be taking out of this each and every time. At the time this made me mad and I didn't see it. But, once I was able to do this then I'm able to listen and hear what is being said to me, Now, it doesn't always work because we are human and emotions are normal but if you can do this, it will make your life easier.

I was asked recently if I had it to do over again would you? My answer without thinking was YES! Our daughter is worth it! It's not all glamorous but life is messy too!

So, step-mamas keep swimming and be strong!